About me
April 24th, 2012
Self interview
Speaking about myself openly.
- Q: Did you have a nice childhood?
- My childhood was very sorrowful and painful. Full of worries. I cannot remember myself being happy for long.
I was born with a very rare development disorder which was exactly diagnosed only in 2008. Regarding my parents I had constipation since my birth. There was no exact diagnosis
established so I was threated conservatively with laxatives, special diet. I was many times hospitalized throughout my life and it was not always a nice experience.
Since I could not pass stool my abdomen was swollen and even hard. It was not painful only highly discomfortable and very hard to accept it and get used to it.
The medcine I had to take often caused me spasms and when I had hard stool it was extremely painful.Besides illness my father caused me a lot of pain. He is a very stiff person cannot relate to children and I remember him as a very strict man who would talk to
you in a harsh unkind way. I feard him and he was not kind as parents should be. He has changed since and he is more softer but still cannot relate to children.My parents often discussed their problems in front of us and it is not a pleasing experience to hear your parents being worried and even cry.
Children ought to live their own world and not to be involved in adult matters such as financial problems, argues, constant complaining about obstacles, etc.I come from a poor family which I do not really mind. It tought me to be modest and generous. It was painful, however. I can remember cryin many times because I did not
get the same toy my brother did. My brother is 2 years older than me and sometimes he got more expensive toys from our relatives. Not from my parents as they
always gifted us with the same toys so that I would not feel less important. What I really value and respect about my parents is that despite being short on money they
always managed to give us almost everything we needed. We always had fairly good food to eat and they bought us very neat fashionable clothes.My mother often cried when she took me to doctors. I remember they wanted to surge me and she bursted out crying and it was very hard for me.
I was a very serious boy and did not laugh often. I did not cry often. So it was annoying for me to see her crying becasue I did not feel a reason to cry.
I did not fear the surgery, I might not even know what a surgery was. It was a mistake to cry in front of me.There was a period of time when my father often came home slightly drank. He was even more fearful then and it was one of the worst experience for me.
Fear is the worst a child can experience. I think it is worse than physical pain.I had very unconscious parents. So unconscious that they could not sense the love I was emitting because of tao (high level of presence). My mother even feared it.
They somehow must have known I was not an ordinary child. I remember that sometimes I knew things they were impossible for me to know.
I am sure on rare occasions I mentioned the future. I had short visions and then I would talk about it. I never saw myself as being special.
It was normal to me.I remember a story my mother often retold me. She was astonished by the thing I did. Unfortunately I was so young that I cannot remember it.
It happened in a sweet-shop. She left us at the table and went to the desk to pay and I lifted the glass from the table. Regarding my mother everybody was
suprised.Do not take me wrong. I did not say my parents are bad people. They just lacked even the most essencial knowledge on how to bring up a child. They gave as everyThing they could but they missed the soul part. They often sad not to cry. They made me not to express my emotions and I supressed them. The worst thing a little child can do is to supress emotions. It was a dark age I was born into. They were no books available on how to bring up a child. Corporal punishment was accepted at schools for example.
- Q: When did your spiritual awakening begin?
- I clearly remember a day when I went to Budapest with my brother. I had an appointment with a special accupunture healer from Vietnam. After the treatment we had some hours to spend so we went to Buda to visit the royal palace. There we bumped into a young woman who was raising funds for some charity organization. I gave her money and we had some talk together. That meeting changed something in me. After that I gave money to many homeless people and I felt so good. I realized how god it is to give. No matter how much. I think that was the beginning. It was not spiritual awakening at all.
That began very early in my childhood. I was younger than two years and I had very strong presence. I have some memories of those times. My grandfather died when I was 2. I can barely remember him. He noticed I was not a normal child. I think he was happy about it. When I was 26 years old I fund videos of satsang by Eckart Tolle. I immediately knew that the person is very very different and he made me laugh. Those videos made me remember something about the truth. I stayed about 2 weeks in Switzerland in 2008 and it had a strong effect on me. I must have met someone on the street because I was very happy and I had some presence in me occassionally. When I got back I had my first satory in my life. I only realized that actually I had a satory 3 or 4 months after. I did not think of it as something special. Then I gradually realized how fortunate I had been. - Q: Are you religious?
- Not at all. I said if there is God he should find me. When I was 28 years old I realized that the only true God is love and not a person or something material. I have never been christened so officially I could be an ateist. In my early twenties I felt attracked to buddhism and later Zen.
- Q: What do you think of Slovakia?
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Until you have not visited other countries you cannot truly have an impartial opinion. I was not very much critical about Slovakia and ther citizens until I have visited some western-European contries. Then my view became very critical but I always was full of hopes that the way things work in Sovakia should improve. Unfortunately have lost this hope by now. Sometimes I have a firm belief that all the meanest people were born in this country. Especially at the south. People in the south of the country are so mean that they are able to hurt each other. So they are not just envious but sometimes malicious. They hate those who have more. I know of several people who literally hated me and they knew that I was not healthy. I could not believe how could they be so envious of me. Some of them had the audacity to hurt me. It was in 2011 when I got awareness of these people. They had been envious of me but I had not know about them. That was my luck. In 2011 some of them very revealed or revealed themselves as they could not resist not hurting me. Actually, I do not know how many haters I had but quite a lot. I do not mind envy people but when they hate I do not feel well and I have a strong urge to escape somewhere far where nobody is like them. And when you discover that your own mother is envious of you then it is a real disappointment.
There is another group of people in this county and I guess in every country. They are the cruel ones. Now you may think those people must have a low education. Nope. Not all of them. Some of the most cruel people I have met work in hospitals and have academic titles. They would not admit their mistake and would let you suffer in agony just to save their own reputation and avoid financial fee for the wrong surgery. They are able to lie to their patients. Some of them expect money from their patients after a successful surgery. Some expect money before doing anything. Those are rare cases but I highly despize such people.
It was in 2009 when I went to Budapest for family constellation. The therapeut who facilitated the constellation is a special someone for me.
She was the first elder person in my life who showed extraordinary human goodness and love towards me. Before I met her I had thought every one is capable of love only
to a very low level. I thought there was nobody else who was able to love more. She was to me like a jewel.
She opened my eyes and for some time I thought of her as a role model. Then later I met other people (here as well) who showed and proved extraordinary kindness
and human goodness to me. They also proved their braveness when it is about protecting or fighting for the good case. I respect such people who are not afraid to
express their love and their ego is of no or minor importance to them.Generally Slovaks are hard-working and well educated, especially in the capital. I really felt good when I worked in the capital. I had good times there. The only thing for which it is worth staying in Slovakia despite the difficulties and the poverty is pretty and kind women. Personally I like only French women more than Slovak women.
- Q: Why are you single?
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It took me 26 years to find my soul mate. I was after a surgery which worsend my health to great extent and I did not have the self confindence. I simply thught she deserves better than me. In fact, I only learned that she had been in love with me 2 years later when I met her again. I was very sorry that I missed such an oppurtinity in my life. I think, we were not supposed to get married. She has two children and hopefully happy. Later I learned that I had lost twin syndrome. Those people have great difficulty in finding their soul mates.
- Q: Can you share your opinion on religion?
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Firstly, I wish there were no religion on Earth at all. Religions exist because something is wrong. Obviously it is the lack of true selfless love in this world.
Firstly, I wish there were no religion on Earth at all. Religions exist because something is wrong.
Obviously it is the lack of true selfless love in this world.In my opinion, what religions achieved more or less is that there is less violence on the world. We can agree that the main purpose of all religion is to lessen karma by a list of things not to do. Religions differ from each other only in the way how to make people not to be bad. Some religions seriously threat their believers and use fear, whereas other religions use positive motivation why it is good to help each other. Most religions are moral prescriptions for people to follow and some strong customs as well.
Undoubtedly humanity achieved a point where many people, especially in the western world,
have little karma thus quite much freedom.My objection to religion is that we should not be told any more what is good or bad. Every country has some law and a legal system. Therefore it is enough to know the law and not violate it or else a punishment would follow. It is the education system’s and parents’ duty to teach good moral to children.
Things change, and I think religion has now become an obstacle, and its importance should be
lessened more and more. This has been happening to some religions already. The problem is with the institutions around religions that do not want to lose their importance. Indeed, some religions have serious scandals. They have gone too far in order to keep their power or importance. They violated all moral and even laws just to cover the problems that have. They make people believe that they are important. And this is a huge problem.Some religions cause separation and isolation because their believers see “we and they”.
They do not see humans in the first place but let us say Christians, Buddhists and atheists for instance.
This is a kind of violence already.What we need is LOVE. Many religions totally failed to help people discover love.
Love is a miracle which happens and it is ridiculous to say love each other. You cannot love. It happens to you and when it happens to you then you recognize the truth of what I said. Certainly, there are many ways to cultivate love and some religions prescribe such a path. There is nothing wrong about it.If love is what is missing from this world and religions are not needed in order to experience love then we can conclude that it would be ideal to have love and just live freely. I like the lyrics of the song Imagine because it is exactly about the future I believe in. I wish to believe it is not a mere vision.
Modern people need a working recipe for achieving happiness and well being. I am convinced that the tremendous choice of esoteric books available these days meet this need pretty well. A satisfied person who is relatively happy and content with his life is more likely to be helpful and compassionate to others than a disappointed one. Then love may arise without even trying to love.
I favour Asian religions as they provide some working recipe on how to solve problems instead of punishing or threatening people. What I particularly like about Buddhism is that it is not a pushy religion such as many western religions. They do not strive for becoming the largest religion on Earth. They do not prescribe their followers to go to church etc. They lack old ridiculous dogmas such the ones in Christianity. They encourage you to think and try what works for you. They do not say this is true and you have to believe it otherwise you are a bad believer and we hate you. They say instead, look we have some ways and practices.
Try them if you like and discover on your own if it is true. Totally different approach. It is a humble approach and I am glad that these religions gain in popularity among young people. Some say that Buddhism is not even a religion instead a way of life. I could not care less.
Written by Attila Szabó, Last modified: July 15 2011
A message to the future
I had the wrong surgery which was really unfortunate and it made me even more sick. My health state worsened to such an extend that
I experienced emptiness (buddhist call it so) for a short time due to extreme suffering and physical pain. I was hopeless and I saw it that I had to
do something about it. After a lot of thinking I visited a seeress woman on the 11th of July 2009. I stated clearly that I would not want to hear
the anything about the future. She said bad things would happen to me. She did not tell me I was cursed. I was advised to visit a concrete DIP.
She said he is the only DIP who can save me. I was daubtful becasue all I wanted to know was to find out which hospital I would be surged and if it would
improve my health. She did not tell me if I needed a surgery. She gave me a phone number to the person she thought would improve my health.
She said that there is a destiny. I did not believe her and said that I would not visit the gentleman because I had expected something else to hear.
I mentioned to her Mr. E. Tolle the spiritual teacher whose book The Power of Now is a true gift. She despized the book. Regarding her it is not
true and he is not a good man. After hearing those words I became suspicious of her. We had some clash of views and she said she was Catholics and even
the man who would help me is a very strong believer. I had a slight feeling that she wants to hurt me. I felt some malicious smile at her face and I became
angry and left her flat.
I decided to ignore everything I had heard. At that night I experienced a very strong remote healing. So I started to believe her that she might be right.
I called the phone she gave me but it was not answered. I tried a few more times without success. Then I sent an SMS message. No response.
The seeress had said that reading E. Tolle’s book is not enough. She mentioned the Bible. I said I was inclined to buddhism.
Why is this important? Why the person did not answer the phone? Because they were waiting for an event which was a family constellation
on the 16th of August. It was not very successful. On the 04th of October I received Deeksha blessing to clear my root chakra.
At that night I experienced a strange thing. I got into an altered mind-state and experienced the event which had happened when I lost my twin-brother
in the womb of my mother. When it happened I failed to understand the event. I said that the seeress lied to me. Which later proved to be true.
I tried to get an appointment with the men I was recommended to visit with success. By the time of the appointment I had read about the work DIPs do and
I started to believe that probably there was a curse on me. So I visited the man on the 2nd of November 2009. I was said I had a curse on me and it was removed.
Unfortunately I was lied as the curse was not removed at all. Three more times I visited the DIP. In October I visited Dublin for holiday.
Before I went to Dublin I told him about my plan to attend a seminer with Eckhart Tolle in Dublin. He said he is bad and would not recommend him and that
I should trust him. I said I would trust him. So I did not attend the semninar in Dublin. I had a dream with the DIP when I was in Dublin and he said
he would program me to find a suitable girlfriend for myself. I refused it in my dream with scare.
When I woke up he insisted on doing it but unfortunately I had a negative thought which made him upset and I heard “I’ll show you”. Then I felt cold and
strenghtening fear. He dropped the curse which was on me. It was a mistake but the seeress knew about it. He and the seeress are probably friends and
know each other. She knew what would happen but did not warn the DIP nor me. It sais on the web site of DIPs that they can predict negative events in the
future. As I told him about my visit of Dublin he very likely knew about the threat but did not warn me.
I experienced awful fear and trembling. It was very difficult for me to overcome it with his help, of course. He did not know he would fail.
He only had know it would happen in Dublin. He should have warned me about it, of course. He did not do it. Why?
When I visited the seeress she saw a possible future and she saw my awful suffering in a hospital as well. She told me visit the DIP to save my life.
She also saw that I would perform miraculous healings. She fall in love with the future and talked into the DIP to not remove the curse as her plan was
to navigate me into hell. She hated me. Before I went to Dublin I had strange dreams warning me about a disaster. I could not understand where it would come from.
I was asked to call a phone number. Probably a moral DIP. Before I went to Dublin I visited the seeress again to advice me but she told me she is not
any more a seeress and said in a hubristic way that everyone should solve his problems on his own. I felt she was scared of me.
I visited the DIP one more time at the 18th of march 2011. He did not mention anything about the mishap in Dublin and I did not say anything as well.
What could have I said to him ?
After Dublin a lot of Silva method practitioner helped me without my knowledge. I did not know about them. I attained the Silva-method seminar in
2010 but never could learn it properly as I had very weak aura. More and more people heard what happened to me. It was only later when
I learned that the seeress hated me and it was her personal revenge. Bad things happened after the curse was dropped. I was cursed twice for instance.
The last time by the seeress herself which proved how se hated me. I had asked her many time to leave me alone and not eavesdrop me at nights but
she always ignored my wish. Some months ago she adviced me to go to Canada because my future wife is there. She promised it to me.
She also said once I would need a good hospital becasue I would be in agony becasue of severe headache. But she reassured me a miracle would
happen and I would be fine after that.
Now it is clear to everyone that she lied to me and I was mislead by her. Before I moved to Budapest I received a warning from her in the form of a
dream that bad things would happen in Budapest. She was right but the truth is had not been for her no bad things would have happened to me!!
The first thing I did after I moved to Budapest was to cancel my appointment with the DIP I had been visiting. I found no reason to visit him again.
Then I visited Ing. Kamenik in Brno Chech Republic on the 23th of July. He said: I cannot see a curse on you at the moment which unfortunately seems to be a lie.
He did not do much and did not mention any drastic events that could happen. He was said to not tell me the truth. The night I visited Ing. Kamenik
I experienced remote programming of my subconscious mind. I refused it and said he was no longer my DIP as I did not trust him.
What made me suspicios is that he was on holiday and I received an SMS message that he would after all accept clients on that single day which was
very unusual and strange to me. Obviously they (the seeress and some of her friends) are very itchy as something might happen.
I had been told that I would be fine next year. It is all about timing. When you avoid some event other events cannot happen. It is true.
The next days I again experienced massive programming despise my refusal. I can remember some thoughts such as: I bless you. Etc.
They violated my human rights, did not respect my religion which is buddhism and programmed my personality despite my denial.
And I never ever in this life going to give up my true religion which buddhism.
What are their plans?
Their plans are political. They want to create a robot with strong tao who would do and say the things they want.
They want to create a catholics man who would be married (the next J es s, who can tell). They want to change politicians with tao.
To put it simple: they want POWER. They want to manipulate politicians and strengthen religion whose popularity is not the best after
pedofile cases. I call it simply religious fanatism.
Written by Attila Szabó, Last modified: Aug 6 2011
Video message
log book
nyilatkozat
Audio recording from 2009
Fontos közlemény
November 10th, 2011
Look at the screen shot below. It is a project posted on a popular web site where you can find freelancers for your projects or vice versa.
Well, (some) programmers are really optimistic.
